SO BLESSED

After an exhausting morning being the snack mom at Graham's pre-school and serving lunch to the kiddos, naptime couldn't have come soon enough yesterday. I was so tired, I usually need a nap daily now-a-days, being this pregnant, but yesterday was an understatement. Every muscle in my body hurt, the pressure from this baby was killing me and I couldn't keep my eyes open.

So the kids went to their beds. Liza in her room downstairs and Graham in his "special quiet time spot" in the loft, on a bed of sleeping bags and pillows. (He doesn't really nap anymore but loves to read and play quietly while the girls nap:)).

Usually I only keep him there for an hour (any longer for a three year old and I kinda feel like it's torture) but yesterday it was a 2 hour nap kinda day (that's how long Liza sleeps in the afternoon), and let me tell you I was soooo looking forward to it.

As I lay down in bed, I could hear Graham in one ear just outside my bedroom door having his Thomas and Percy trains fix some sort of catastrophe, and in the other ear through the monitor I heard a little girl yacking away as she "read" her books in her bed.

I started to drift off to sleep when I heard a loud yell from Graham (Percy clearly did something wrong) and Aliza get louder and louder as she "read".

My first instinct was to get annoyed, but then a super cute giggle rang in my ear from the monitor and I heard Aliza say, "wasn't that such a good book, baby!" as she read her book to her babies that were napping with her. I couldn't help but notice my annoyance fade away and a smile creep across my face.

I was reminded of something so simple yet so profound in a moment that I wasn't expecting anything but irritation...

I AM SO INCREDIBLY BLESSED!

The other day as I was driving around town to one appointment after the other (one for Graham's physical before school started, one for my OB appt, and one for Graham's speech therapy), this thought hit me...what would my life be like without kids...

I pictured a life of travel with my husband to places we always talked about going to, eating out in peace whenever we wanted, hitting up a movie now and again, the ease of just jumping in the car to grab a few groceries, sleeping in past 7am, working outside the home, sleeping as much as I wanted on the weekends, did I mention sleeping? As I thought about that life without kids (the life we shared for only a few short months of marriage), I cringed. Not that I don't love spending that time with my husband, not that I don't want to go to Italy and travel all over the US with just him, not that I wouldn't love to go catch a movie (seriously, I have no idea the last time I actually saw a movie, let alone one at the theater), not that going to Wal-Mart and being back in 10 min doesn't sound fantastic at times, but yes, I cringed.

I cringed because the life I pictured was a life of self gratification (before I continue I AM NOT everyone without kids is this way, I am saying MY life was), eating out, traveling and even sleeping. Are those things bad? NO, but they do all scream of self. What I want to do, what I want to see, what I want to eat. I could NOT imagine my life doing the things I love to serve myself and my desires.

My life now consists of selflessness (whether I do it willingly and happily or not, which unfortunately I hate to admit is not always done with the correct attitude). It's a life of feeding, cleaning up after (hundreds of times a day), taking care of, reading to, teaching-constantly teaching, molding, shaping with ONE goal in mind...to show them JESUS. That's what it is about. So how does getting woken up 5 minutes into what I hoped was a 2 hour nap, to take care of my kids, show them Jesus? How does rarely experiencing a night out with my husband show my kids Jesus? How does having my days be filled with school and appointments and play and fun and teaching show them Jesus? I'm sure thousands of answers are flooding your mind and you are right- but I think it all comes down to this...

I am forced to be selfless.

How does that show them Jesus? My attitude and heart are constantly being changed and adjusted into the selfless heart of Christ that humbled himself and brought Him to the cross and if I can even experience a minuscule fraction of that selflessness and be taught that over and over and over and over again on a daily basis through the lack of sleep, the constant cleaning up after, the constant play and teaching and shaping and molding that is OH SO EXHAUSTING, then all I can say is...

I AM SO BLESSED!